...the better your real friends get to support you.
And you get to support yourself, and what's most important in your life.
No. It's the most powerful word you can use. You get to manage your own schedule and get your first things done first! That's a critical element to the lives of anyone who experiences a truly Fearless Performance. They've gotten the things they need to get done actually DONE, so they can be at their best.
We've all had this discussion with our busy friends...friends who are usually not more busy than we are, they're just freaking out near us. They're just being emotional about their over-busy schedule that they've said yes to. A totally forgivable emotional sharing, because we might be the one doing it the next time.
But I've added a little twist to the discussion sometimes, and it's gone well...sometimes...
Our friend says, "Oh man, it's just crazy these next few weeks! I've got this and that and the other thing and then there's this..."
I say, "Yeah, that's rough. Want to try something? Ok, repeat after me. No..." and I end with an upward tone of voice that implies that's just the beginning of the sentence they're going to repeat...
They say, "No..."? and look at me for the next part of the phrase.
I say, "Great! That was perfect. Wanna try it again?!"
When it's gone well, they nod and chuckle, with a, "Yup, thanks...this is all self-imposed. Okayyyy..."
Reclaim Your Agenda!
I've been reading Brendon Burchard's amazing new book, "The Motivation Manifesto" and reclaiming your agenda is one of his charges. I've been doing just that, and seeing massive growth in productivity and also my mood. I believe I can get more done because I have been planning and executing more! It's exciting...especially because I usually spend a ton of time getting poised to work.
I do emails, and wow can I clean and organize the house. My wife can tell if I have a project to get finished because things are neater than usual. If it's a big project that doesn't really have a set deadline, the garage or storage room has also been worked on a bit...
Brendon Burchard very wisely states on his One-Page Productivity Planner:
"Beware your inbox, it's nothing but a convenient organizing system
for other people's agendas."
Getting To No your friends and colleagues is a fantastic way of reclaiming your agenda.
Almost everyone will be fine without you!
Here's the thing - You're not ok without you!!
You need time with yourself to get some plans and actions done! I've also been avoiding checking emails before 10am. It's fantastic. I wake up, drink a big glass of water, and then exercise for 30 minutes. Ah mazing! I can do this because I've said no.
Task for today - Make it about your friend's needs.
I usually suggest some ways of getting your stuff done, but let's start by paying it forward today. The next time you ask a friend to do something, and they think about it for longer than 3 seconds and have 'that look' of 'ehhhhh', give them some help in saying no.
No guilt trip, sarcasm, or passive-aggressive funny comment. That's hard for me sometimes, as humour is my way out. But today, connect with them in a seriously supportive way. Also, no apology either! Empower yourself here too. You both matter.
It's not, "Sorry, you have things to do. Sorry to bother you." It's simply, "Think about it and text me by tonight if you are happy coming. It looks like you might have something though, and that's awesome. You can come next time."
By seriously reaching out with assurance that they're welcome but not needed at your event, you can see how much less important saying yes to your next invite might be. My agenda includes priorities that serve my goals and values, and no is a big part of prioritizing like an adult. I've been enjoying being more of an adult who gives his choices deeper consideration.
This is a big lesson in Fearlessness, my friends! Look deep into your need to please, and how often you say yes out of habit.
Here's a helpful guide I often think of when someone asks for too much. Use it as a mid-way point to No.
On your next invitation, work or social, take an extra few seconds. Remember you can say no, and sometime this week...DO IT! Graciously say no.
You can only Get To No, Yourself. No one else can get you there.
Remember, saying no to someone
is actually saying Yes to You.
Stay fearless my friends,